What if My Spouse Is Cheating? - Feinberg & Waller, APC

"If your spouse is having an extramarital affair, generally speaking, there are only two things you can do: tolerate it or leave it. Obviously, if you choose to tolerate it, then you don't need to worry about it anymore. If you choose to leave it, then you're going to want to express to your spouse what's going on, express to your spouse that this isn't something you're going to tolerate and that it's either going to lead to a separation or a divorce. If it does lead to a separation or a divorce and the courts get involved in analyzing what is going on, as a practical matter, the fact of the affair is unimportant. California is a no-fault state, so if somebody cheats on their spouse that doesn't really have any legal effect. However, if what they are doing is, in fact, harmful to their children, now it does become relevant and is something that needs to be looked at. As a general rule though, adults are allowed to do what they want to do and California is not going to make any moral decisions or judgments in that regard as long as it doesn't impact anything that germane to what is happening in the divorce, it is not going to be an issue. However, if you find out that your spouse is cheating on you and you can demonstrate that hundreds of thousands or tens of thousands of dollars have been diverted away from your family into this other person, gifts, jewelry or vacations, or whatever, you can ask the family court to make an order that the community be reimbursed that amount from the person that they gave that to."

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